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WELCOME TO ROB'S HOMOSEXUAL FORUM
This new page is about Rob and all his gay fans around the world. Prepare for a roller-coaster nostalgic journey through the annals and passageways of Rob's life as a gay icon.
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GAY HISTORY
Global suspicion was first aroused at the tender age of 5 when Rob developed feelings for his Action Man. Upon discovering him comparing sizes with it; his parents were forced to give him the one where the shorts are sewed onto the plastic skin. Rob cried all night.
As a sprightly pre-pubescent, Rob took to chasing girls. The fact that he chased them with a blunt knife in his hand, however, disturbed his teachers at school and they put him in detention, where he spent two hours making phallic gestures with the Crayola.
In his late teens Rob focused all his energies on writing an important paper for his English A-level, in which he used the term "cockboy" 67 times. He claimed this was inadvertent. Under rigorous government testing this proved to be a lie, and Rob's permanent record was labelled "confused" henceforth.
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A PLACE IN BRIGHTON
The meagre beginnings of Rob's worldwide gay status make for a fascinating and nauseating story. It all started when a fellow male student at Sheffield University professed privately to being "drawn" to him. This was quickly and gleefully spread to everybody who knew him, and before long, everyone realised that Rob is, in fact, a gay icon. His fanbase covers many different social groups and ethnicities, even Orthodox Jews and Geordies. Willy Pickett, chief executive of Rob's AIDS trust Out With It, says that "Rob has an everyman quality that is attractive to every man." Well, that takes care of that, then.
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HOMO'S ODYSSEY
Today, in conjunction with his rigorously taxing studies, Rob has a varied professional career as a gay commentator, frequently appearing at inter-university gay lectures, rights parades, BBC2 documentaries about 80's music, and street orgies; He is also considered a leading academic authority on gay prejudice in the Midlands.
His recent autobiography, Working Men's Clubs, is the fastest-selling autobiography ever in Cuba and has worldwide grosses in excess of gazillion; and in 2004 Kevin Spacey won the Best Actor Oscar for his sensitive portrayal of Rob in Ron Howard's small-budget biopic, Bottoms Up. One might say he jumped excitedly on the back of his successes. In fact, most of his successes have been jumping excitedly on the back of him.
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CAMP ICON
This, of course, is the hyper-successful holiday camp that Rob opened two years ago in Massachusetts, USA, with half the profits from his autobiography. Camp Icon features a plethora of fun activities, sports and health spas, and men and women are not allowed to congregate on pain of electrical torture. There is even, uniquely for a holiday camp, a swimming pool of champagne, and the much talked about "Fuzzy Bear" chamber, in which the cultural significance of fuzzy bears is debated over tea and cookies. Gays get in free.
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IN A NUTSHELL
Rob is gay |
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------------------------------LEGAL DISCLAIMER--------------------------
For fear of suing, the author would like to duly remind the viewers that everything on this page is made up.
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